It’s been 4 whole weeks since Rocco has left us and so far I haven’t had a day of a dry face yet.
They say it gets easier with time.
I’m waiting patiently.
There have been little things happening around the house and me lately that normally someone would say they couldn’t explain. But I can explain.
I know my boy is still around us and protecting us.
In the first week after Rocco passed, I was having very vivid and crazy dreams. None of which made barely any sense, and I can barely remember what even happened in them. But there is one dream that stands out so clearly to me. I was looking out a window with my son and there was a beautiful, very bright, very saturated rainbow. It didn’t really have significance in my dream, but it was there and I remember it clearly.
The next day around noon I got a phone call that Rocco’s aftercare was ready to be picked up. We made the decision to have him privately cremated.
When we got him back, the embroidery on the blue velvet satchel read “Until we meet again at rainbow bridge” and that’s when it clicked. It was him in my dream, telling me he’s waiting for me there.
I see shadows and hear his big clumsy feet flopping down the stairs sometimes in the house. I’ve grown accustomed to them now and just feel good knowing it’s him.
My husband has even told me he’s seen shadows and heard things too.
I remember having a dream about playing with Rocco in the most random corner of my house. Going into the basement around the stairwell where there is nothing.
Well, I have a bit of OCD and I know EVERYthing that comes in and out of my house. My sons toys are all accounted for always. If he asks me where the small little suitcase is that came with peppa pig, I know exactly where it is.
One day I went to the basement to do some laundry and as I turned that corner that was in my dream, I saw something shining on the ground. It was a small clear rock with gold flecks inside of it. I have NO clue where this thing came from. It doesn’t belong to any toys in our house. My 3 year old son has no idea what it is or where is came from. And it was just sitting there. In the same random spot I was playing with Rocco in my dream. Did he send it to me? I have no idea. But I’m holding on to it.
The other day my husband and I got into a bit of an argument over something arbitrary. I decided to go for a drive to clear my head. I had been crying and driving, probably not the best decision but I swear on anything Rocco was in the back seat and shoved his head under my elbow. I felt it. It was real. Something bumped my elbow up as if he was pushing his head under my arm to console me like he always used to do. I did not imagine this. It was very real.
This morning I woke up to the sound of his cry. It felt so real that I actually told myself in my half asleep state that I was glad he hadn’t passed yet. Then I realized. What the f*$% am I talking about, he’s gone! But I heard him. I know I heard him.
Our dear pets are with us after death.
Anyone who says differently is wrong.
These experiences can be chalked up to stress and emotional dismay, sure.
But I know in my heart of hearts he’s with me still.
xoxo
